These wall..this isolation..this prison...they liberate..
Is all that i've done, my characteristic and the way i handle people warrant for me to be labelled a flirt?
I spent the remaining hours of the morning reflecting this..is it that i am blind to see? Or is it ego that vindicates me? Maybe i am not a flirt...or at least..i do not see myself to be one. But then, i thought..it could be my ego blinding me from it all...justifying my acts and making me believe that i'm not, whereas i am.
It is at this time that Andy Lau and Bon Jovi helps..the mood that their melody presents somewhat sets the tone for reflection. The beat and the rythym..the lyrics and the melody..keeps u focused on the agenda of reflection. In reflection..sometimes u go out of point but certain music somehow is able to keep my mind focused on what i seek to reflect upon. And that morning was on whether i am or am not a flirt.
Cik Khidir told me once somewhat last year, that being a guy, to avoid being a cassanova. He says, it brings trouble..and till now, i remember that advice. My nenek had also once, this year, said to me that being friends with girls is alright..but dun play around with their hearts. I still remember that. Advices to me..i hold like gems. Especially so if i believe in them..
So there i was..lying on the foam mattressed bed, with the air-con on..(unusual of me..as i cant take cold) thinking, debating. Well..all i can say that it sucked. When ur all sleepy and tired and u cant sleep because your mind is heavy with thoughts that bother. Firmly, with all of my heart, i believe i am not. Firstly, the difinition presented of a flirt is a guy that constantly checks gals out..and a flirts gets to know gals harbouring ulterior motives.
I check out gals...yes i do..but im not hardcore. I am darn sure anyone..would have walked down a road before and by some hand of Adam Smith (the philospher and economist that introduced the concept of the invisible hand) have had your head mysteriously turned towards someone..someone who had somehow attracted you. Its natural is it not? Instantaneous...spontaneous..not concious.
Well..let me paint another picture. U go to a pub..sit around at the bar with ur eagle-like eyes, trying to spot someone that would be to your 'liking'..or a suitable prey. U see one..u 'check her out'..do a situational analysis..and decide to swoop down. U 'attack' her with your pre-rehearsed or all-natural charm..using these honed skills to go for a kill...win or lose is all up to your tactical and resource employment. NOW..thats a flirt. Concious...tactical...
So with this your honour..i plead the jury to find this young man..Not Guilty.
Do i harbour ulterior motives when i get to know girls? Conciously...i declare NO. I make friends..anyone..anybody who has somewhat similar wavelength as me..and maybe the girls that i know and hang out with..are of somewhat the same characteristic because these are the people who i can click with. Birds of the same feather flock together.
BUT..saying this. I realise that ego protects people, often blinding one. Hence, one cannot realise whether its really himself or ego speaking. Likewise, i, after all these justifications, do not know whether it is me or my little brother speaking. As much as it confuses..it too deludes me from the answer i seek. The stripping off of the ego is what any blessed person first seek to achieve after bullet-proofed faith. How can one strip off ego..something that is a sort of a tuned self-defense mechanism tuned to the subconcious?
Maybe this is one task that i have to prioritise before others. Forget about the acedemics for now.. Gandhi, in a letter from prison..wrote to his eldest son, deprived of much acedemic education...Gandhi said to his son that to study is to gain knowledge and the best of knowledge is of oneself..learning about yourself, learning patience, discipline and other virues that can carry you to survive anywhere in the world and after is the best of knowledge. (Somewhat like that..not exact..my interpretation)
In this...i realise too that conquering on problem will not save me from another. But conquering one may help me overcome the another that follows. This will not be the only dilemma or problem that i will encounter and as much as i prepare myself..problems will be hard at times. But the quality of the coffee can only be realised when u put it in hot water.
Now..like Ruskin and Gandhi..i want to imprison myself so that "..these walls liberate me".
May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...
I spent the remaining hours of the morning reflecting this..is it that i am blind to see? Or is it ego that vindicates me? Maybe i am not a flirt...or at least..i do not see myself to be one. But then, i thought..it could be my ego blinding me from it all...justifying my acts and making me believe that i'm not, whereas i am.
It is at this time that Andy Lau and Bon Jovi helps..the mood that their melody presents somewhat sets the tone for reflection. The beat and the rythym..the lyrics and the melody..keeps u focused on the agenda of reflection. In reflection..sometimes u go out of point but certain music somehow is able to keep my mind focused on what i seek to reflect upon. And that morning was on whether i am or am not a flirt.
Cik Khidir told me once somewhat last year, that being a guy, to avoid being a cassanova. He says, it brings trouble..and till now, i remember that advice. My nenek had also once, this year, said to me that being friends with girls is alright..but dun play around with their hearts. I still remember that. Advices to me..i hold like gems. Especially so if i believe in them..
So there i was..lying on the foam mattressed bed, with the air-con on..(unusual of me..as i cant take cold) thinking, debating. Well..all i can say that it sucked. When ur all sleepy and tired and u cant sleep because your mind is heavy with thoughts that bother. Firmly, with all of my heart, i believe i am not. Firstly, the difinition presented of a flirt is a guy that constantly checks gals out..and a flirts gets to know gals harbouring ulterior motives.
I check out gals...yes i do..but im not hardcore. I am darn sure anyone..would have walked down a road before and by some hand of Adam Smith (the philospher and economist that introduced the concept of the invisible hand) have had your head mysteriously turned towards someone..someone who had somehow attracted you. Its natural is it not? Instantaneous...spontaneous..not concious.
Well..let me paint another picture. U go to a pub..sit around at the bar with ur eagle-like eyes, trying to spot someone that would be to your 'liking'..or a suitable prey. U see one..u 'check her out'..do a situational analysis..and decide to swoop down. U 'attack' her with your pre-rehearsed or all-natural charm..using these honed skills to go for a kill...win or lose is all up to your tactical and resource employment. NOW..thats a flirt. Concious...tactical...
So with this your honour..i plead the jury to find this young man..Not Guilty.
Do i harbour ulterior motives when i get to know girls? Conciously...i declare NO. I make friends..anyone..anybody who has somewhat similar wavelength as me..and maybe the girls that i know and hang out with..are of somewhat the same characteristic because these are the people who i can click with. Birds of the same feather flock together.
BUT..saying this. I realise that ego protects people, often blinding one. Hence, one cannot realise whether its really himself or ego speaking. Likewise, i, after all these justifications, do not know whether it is me or my little brother speaking. As much as it confuses..it too deludes me from the answer i seek. The stripping off of the ego is what any blessed person first seek to achieve after bullet-proofed faith. How can one strip off ego..something that is a sort of a tuned self-defense mechanism tuned to the subconcious?
Maybe this is one task that i have to prioritise before others. Forget about the acedemics for now.. Gandhi, in a letter from prison..wrote to his eldest son, deprived of much acedemic education...Gandhi said to his son that to study is to gain knowledge and the best of knowledge is of oneself..learning about yourself, learning patience, discipline and other virues that can carry you to survive anywhere in the world and after is the best of knowledge. (Somewhat like that..not exact..my interpretation)
In this...i realise too that conquering on problem will not save me from another. But conquering one may help me overcome the another that follows. This will not be the only dilemma or problem that i will encounter and as much as i prepare myself..problems will be hard at times. But the quality of the coffee can only be realised when u put it in hot water.
Now..like Ruskin and Gandhi..i want to imprison myself so that "..these walls liberate me".
May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...
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