A bid to keep to my 2010 new year's resolutions...

Hmm..good or bad weekend? Dunno how to describe it..
Shall i describe it this way..

Whateva i do gets kicked off the wall..
However hard i try..it always bounces back.
Sometimes..it seems like i got thru..
Like it passed thru the goal-line..BUT..
It always..99 out of a hundred times..
Got cleared off the goal mouth.

Desperation? Naah..
Frustration? Sometimes..
Infatuation? Dunno sia..
Congratulations? Not yet please.

These years that i've tried,
I dun even noe how it'll turn out to be.
Hope and faith in the believe carried me thru..
Blindly..(or is it?) i followed.
Was i selfish to turn down the others..
To pursue this dream i had?
I doubted so..for me..it was worth it.

I always had a thing for the moon..
Its light glowing the dark..
symbolising hope..
or could it symbolise a dream far from reach?

That day..the full moon went on for 5 nights.
It felt like a message to me..
It could be that of hope..or that of my poor vision.
That the unripened moon was thot of being ripe.

I cannot help but be pessimistic..
A side of me uncovered..
From the experiences dished out upon me.
I cannot help but think..i will happen again.
Altho i pray it will not.
Faith kept me strong..for these 5 years i went on.

The dove delivered the message..
But was it read?
Or was it kept..to be read at a time most suitable?
Questions..kept bellowing in my mind.
Questions..


It happened on Thursday..happened again on Sunday. And the remedy..SLEEP. Sleep to console the aching heart yet REM wasnt achieved. At least Sunday's one was better. The msg came in at 0050HR and 0150HR..but the warning was considered one of the earlier ones. Could i have answered a "NO!..it will go on." What would the consequences have been? But my answer was one expected..my weak heart answered. I did not regret my reply at all cos it was a true answer from the heart. I did not need to be appreciated for that cos i did not asked to be doing what i did. Whatever i gave..i did not insure it for any price. But a return would be nice.

It was like what my cuz and me used to say.."HIDUP GAMBLE MATI GENTLE".. which means..Risk a gamble in life and u wun regret dying. Its like..u did what u wanted and u had no regrets..WILLIAM HUNG way!! HAha..

But really..it doesnt really matter cos wat i did..i did willingly. I walk side by side with u but u can choose to hold my hand when u want to..

But that one thing u owed me..I hold u to it K!! I WILL be selfish on this..HEHE (Ciao ChinChao..Chendol OUT).



May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

WHEN U R ONLY 5 YRS OLD, I SAID I LOVE U. U ASKED ME: WHAT IS IT?

WHEN U R 15 YRS OLD, I SAID I LOVE U. UBLUSHED... U LOOK DOWN AND SMILE...

WHEN U R 20 YRS OLD, I SAID I LOVE U. U PUT UR HEAD ON MY SHOULDER ANDHOLDMY HAND... AFRAID THAT I MIGHT DISAPPEAR...

WHEN U R 25 YRS OLD, I SAID I LOVE U. U PREPARE BREAKFAST AND SERVE IT INFRONT OF ME, AND KISS MY FORHEADSAID:U BETTER BE QUICK, IT'S GONNA BE LATE~

WHEN U R 30 YRS OLD, I SAID I LOVE U. U SAID: IF U REALLY LOVE ME, PLEASE COMEBACK EARLY AFTER WORK .

WHEN U R 40 YRS OLD, I SAID I LOVE U. U CLEAN THE DINING TABLE AND SAID: OK DEAR, BUT IT'S TIME FOR U TO HELP OURCHILD WITH HIS/HER REVISION...

WHEN U R 50 YRS OLD, I SAID I LOVE U. U'R KNITTING AND U LAUGH AT ME:-D

WHEN U R 60 YRS OLD, I SAID I LOVE U. U SMILE AT ME :-)

WHEN U R 70 YRS OLD. I SAID I LOVE U. WE SIT ON THE ROCK ING CHAIR WITH OUR GLASSES ON. I'M READING YOUR LOVELETTER THAT U SENT TO ME 50 YRSAGO...WITH OUR HAND CROSSINGTOGETHER...

WHEN U R 80 YRS OLD, U SAID U LOVE ME! IDIDN'T SAY ANYTHING BUT CRIED...THAT DAYMUST BE THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE! BECAUSE U SAID U LOVE ME!!!

PLEASE APPRECIATE YOUR LOVEDONES..SAY "I LOVE YOU" TO THEM TODAY!
[i love you] means i really care aboutyou......say it out but not to expect the returnoranything....[i love you] is because there is a purethought...that hoping this magical 3words ...canbring you happiness and futurity......andbecauseof having such pure thoughts..... ppl which have true heart to a person.. give out all his courage to tell a loved one : [I love you]...

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

The 2 cuzs..When are we goin back to school? THIS YEAR!!

Ali rilek one korner..

Ina and Angah..aka Achik dan Nana..

Jihanola Bergs aka 'Annuar Zain' Bedok Reservoir Rd!

The 2 belles and the shephard boy to be..

Ali and Along..

A strange sight indeed to see a boy and a bike..waiting to cross at the pedestrian crossing.

If u observe properly at the guy in the car behind..look at how he is looking at us.. I tink HE tinks that we are wierd ppl!! Who pushes a bike at the expressway all te way home anyway?!! ME...

Who's taking the photos anyway?! Its my elder Sis..

Me and my Donkey..at the exit to Dairy Farm Rd.

Me and my Donkey..

My lil old donkey..filled up and ready to go again!

HEYA! Yesterday was Hari Raya Haji..
Some funnily stoopid thing happened on Thursday nite. Naah!! Nothing abt ghosts or momoks but me n my dad. I received this call at 2330hrs..on the caller id it said.."voicemail" but wad the heck?! Voicemail cant call so i picked up aniwae since i have free incomings. It sounded very much like Ilham weh he is having flu or something.

'HE' asked..where i was and i replied that i was in town with Malek. And he asked further..wad m i doin in town wen its Raya Haji tomoro.. So i jokingly replied..HUH?! Its Raya tomoro?! I forgot man!! Hahaha.. the whole conversation was in a fen to fren mode thingy which i tink caused my father to think..'Is my son DRUNK or wad?!' For the malays who understand..n for those who talked to me wen im crazy b4..(all the time ryt?!).. its in TAT tone..

Father: Zal..kau kat mane?

Me: Aku pat town ngan Malek ah..knape?

Father: Kau buat ape kat town malam raya nie?

Me: Hahaha!..Esok Raya?! Alamak..aku lupa lah!! Hahaha..

Father: (Started tinking im wierd) Kau lupa esok Raya?!

Me: Ape?! Esok Raya?!

(Den..passed over the fone to my mum..)

Mum: Izal..kau kat mane?! Buat ape merayap kat town? Kan esok Raya..

Check it out..i used the work AKU which is an informal term in malay for I and u dun usually use it between parent and child!! In my mind i was like.."SHIIT!! It was my dad i was talking to!!!! AAARRGGHH!!!!! so malu - ating (paiseh in layman term) I turned over to Malek n told him it was my dad lah.. He laughed! I never in my life spoke to my dad in that sort of tone. The max would be my cheeky answers to him..not this!! Hahaha..it became a family joke next day..it spread to my grandma n my aunts. Dey exclaimed tat i was darn lucky i wasnt out wif a gal if not the cat would easily be out of the bag!! But then..HAHA! I dun really go out wif gals..esp late at nite! I have a safe lifestyle ha..(",)

Aniwae..my relatives (Pak Itam and family) came down from KL for Raya! We were conducting a prayer followed by a family dinner for my late gramps n also to inaugrate the success of my cuz, Alif for getting into Canterbury University in New Zealand. (N yup..jokes abt him shephering cows in his free time came out too..) CONGRATS! Its fun to have ur long distance cuzzins come over and hang out. Shld be meeting them later..(Cuzzins hang out time!) They lanned to karaoke yesterday but yup..at past 12 midnite..we WILL be a nuisance to the public! Hahaha..the last tym dey came to Sinagore a few mths back in Raya Aidilfitri..we sang our voices hoarse!! And Tampines no longer became a quiet, peaceful place to stay! Hehehe..but its really great to have all ur cuzzs and family ard..never peaceful but always fun.

Oryt..to my dearest donkey..
I got his tip from an ex Teedub rider to send u to a recommended shop in Jurong West St 52. he claimed to have had a same prob with his donkey b4 and sent it there and got only praises for it. He claims the shop..Wellson something2..got friendly mechanics and are willing to go all out to test u till u are in staisfactory condition. Will go there to service u by next wk k?! Hope u get even better!

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

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Makan..

Makan Time!

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Jus came back home. Sent donkey to the 'hopital' cos for the last few wks..she hadn't been feeling well. The mechanic said i could pick her up either in the afternoon or tomorrow afternoon. She had a tear in the walls of her lungs..(in donkey terms, it is the carburettor) I didnt notice the smoke coming out of the carburettor but the mechanic pointed it out to me.. They need to find a replacement and it might not be so soon. He said..this is the most probable cause of donkey always fainting at high speed. Cos as she goes faster..the carburettor..having no support will shake and cause the tear to open up and the mixture of air, spark and fuel is not good. Haiz..hope my donkey gets well so we can go explore more places.

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

I lost n found something in 15mins...Was at the multistorey carpark opposite my block..i discoved i lost my wallet. A sense of desperation came over me as i tried to find that wallet of mine. I kept thinking.."Why must i keep losing wallets over the period of my life!?"

FYI : This is NOT the 1st tym..8th tym most likely!!

But then..this thought dawned upon me...im not myself at all! Im losing control of my mind..frustration and anger is taking over me. Realising this..i slowed myself down thinking what luck i had. In a logical space of 5mins which i could possibly have dropped my wallet..i couldnt find it. I scoured the entire carpark including the bins..no wallet or any of its remnants in sight. I even went to the kopitiam by the side to look out for any suspicious personnel..possibly holding on to my wallet but to no avail.

I finally resigned..n silently spoke to God again..

**I'll side-track abit k?

People tend to only remember God in times of need and desperation. Its a natural tendency to seek help when u r most weak. Many think of God as only the giver of GOOD and BENEFITS. My platoon sergeant even asked me.."where was God when tsunami struck?" (Aniwae, he's a non-believer of God..he believes only himself and i do not look down on him at all as i strongly believe people are entitled to their own believes.)
God i feel..is the ONE that creates all. So, everything comes from HIM, natural disasters, knowledge, how the universe runs and all. There IS a reason for everything and its not in human power to understand it all. But what i feel we should believe is that something good will arise and its up to us not to make bad of it. After all..we do have a part to play in how we live our lives. Fate is never something we surrender to as its meaning is depicted by Man and we'll never fully know whqt tomorrow brings. Just live our lives to the best we can.

Everything comes and WILL return to HIM.

OK..back to track! I went home..trying to chart my next course of action..(i wrote down whatever i could recall regarding what my wallet contains..find my passport and savings book so i could apply for a new ATM card..then the money will come..asked my friend how to apply for a new SAF 11B..) so my life would not be disrupted.

Den..my doorbell rang. I rushed to the door hoping someone would return my wallet and i was right on target! This man found my wallet while parking his car. He lives just next block and he just came back from picking up his son from school. A very friendly man indeed..i thought it was gone for sure (my wallet) but was proven otherwise. I thanked him profusely, shook his hand and recited a silent (in-the-heart) prayer for this kind and honest neighbour. He didnt even touch a cent!

And THANK GOD!! I was more concerned abt the photos and letters inside rather than the money and my ID. The other time i lost my wallet in the bus..the guy kop-ed my wallet and my money but mailed me back my IC, photos and letters! For those who noe..it was Abu's only photo i had (The one Wak Bon took for me during Ramadan 2001 break fast with PJC malays.)..my gramps photo and the letters / notes i have with Abu. It is those things u hold on to..cos those memories can never be replaced.

Aniway..thanks again dear Bkt Panjang next block neighbour! Didnt even manage to get his name..

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

Donkey wouldnt want to wake up..
Tried for two days..asked Shafie and Halek regarding the black smoke spewing out her exhaust and both said it was due to the carburettor. Halek suggested i just take out the air filter which was not of good use. (He said the ex-owner used a lousy air filter! Another penalty point against the boy!) Hahahah...

But by now..i can feel the muscles in my right leg forming up..and developing. Did some exercises on my left leg to balance it up...dun wan a case of me having one big leg and another smaller one.

Aniwae..yesterday was the memorial service for the tsunami victims. It was held at EXPO..since it was open to public..many people came and most of them had to be ushered towards Hall 4 where they did a live screening since Hall 2, where the actual service was conducted was full. There were many that came alone too. From the young school children to the old. If u saw the sight..it was kinda touching. During the service..i could see a few that teared up, especially during the 1min silence. If u noticed..there were white orchids provided. I saw a women who actually recited a prayer when she was placing the flower back to the table.. Not many did this.

I was supposed to be the OIC contingency force (QRF) for the day..basically to wait for unexpected events (but planned) to happen. But like NDP..it was kinda of fun to volunteer to usher the crowd in and out. Hahaha..please dun say i seek enjoyment from this mournful event coz for us as people on duty..we burn our weekends to facilitate this event..we feel the grieve like others do too..which is why we are happy to carry out our duties.

Hmm..another moment i enjoyed in life have passed. What i re-learnt today was confidence. I nearly forgot the taste of it. Sometimes..its not about how much u know how to do things but how confidently u do it. Many a times..people take advantage of this situation in which many a times..blinds people. There is a great human tendency to look up to the more confident (even though he lacks depth in knowledge). Confidence naturally incites trust and believe. It is a balance that one needs to achieve to be successful. Trust is meant to be gained and maintained. U need confidence and competence to bring u through.

I realise i lack both confidence and competence. I kinda blew the trust people placed in me..sometimes. But not again..conciously lar! Cant please everyone u see! It's a sort of life long resolution. The other key thing is focus. Remember some time when u wanted something so so badly that your only focus was to achieve it? Its the same theory..many failed great leaders have it. They could maintain this tunnel of concentration on their focus to achieve success. But why did they fail..becos thru this tunnel too..they shut themselves out from their surroundings. So how do we do it (Maintain focus and also presence of the surrounding)? Im still grappling with it..But to realize that u r in a situation is the 1st step to change it..Let's try and see whether it works.

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

**Aniwae to all my luved ones..(Family, Naj and all those who have been my frens or regarded as a fren even for a moment)...This is part of the prayer i recite for u before i sleep.**

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