U too........yes...u too...
Now i can strike the 2nd from bottom thing on my list...alhamdulillah. 2 more to go for this holidays. My holiday just got more exciting! This victory..i dedicate to my ever supportive family..and to those k2p ppl who gave me endless tips..to the other friends who have offered advice and also to one friend that dared to let me drive her a few times on the road before i even was allowed to...
Ain was supposed to wrap the key up in a box and tie it up with a ribbon before she passed it to me...but i guess...a foresight or a slip of her mind caused he not to do so. Haiz...as unceremoniously as i got it..i guess, i didnt mind at all...not at all! Cause now....it is mine..MINE!!
Gejah came back from Perak Monday night...she bought me a shoe bag and buah asam...awwwww...i have such a shweeeet little sis. Thank you Aisyah!
I have a fear in me now...no not about that one..."the other one!" Yes...the other one...the fear that creeps in......the memory of 99'. That wasn't a good fear. That fear exposed me to a lot about myself that emerged and i never realised it coming. Weaknesses that i never knew i posess and never felt in my life reared its evil heads then...i lost.. It took me years to be able to piece myself into a person..(not yet..but close).. not like back then. But as all trials...adjustments are needed. I guess...i was overly adjusted to the other side of the spectrum. I was overly detached.. Which once..i thought was ok as i had all other goals in mind as it was working well. But hurt that i caused to others and myself shelled me into a mental hiatus..i had to take a stand. Hopefully this shall be the last time i ever treated someone with detachment.
That was the problem in Gandhi that i forsee in me... Haizu once warned me of my character. That once i get into a focused mindset, i shut out all others including my loved ones from my head. That was good for work but not socially... Gandhi had this weakness. He treated others so well as a Mahatma and as a servant to all mankind but he was tough on his own flesh and blood. His expectations for them caused cracks in the relationship. He set an expectation so high that somehow...as far as i know...2 of his sons somewhat rebelled against him. One incriminated him and publicly went against him in rebellion.
As far as i respect Gandhi for his ability to move masses of people in a direction and a goal as well as his unflinching principles and good character. This was one side of him i will learn from. I used to have high expectations of those close to me..and the expectation can get so high that if he/she did it wrong somehow..i get pissed or irritated. While towards other people who did the same mistakes...i will be so patient and calm. I have not been fair. This day...i apologize to all that was affected by my weakness.
To those that are somewhat disturbed as to why i read Gandhi instead of Muhammad or Summaiyah or Dalai Lama or Jesus... not yet. I dun colour people by race, skin colour, religion or whatever.. I seek to learn good character from all sources. Muhammad is too high for me..not yet. Gandhi is a normal man...who had many tribulations and weaknesses in his life that by sheer unwavering prrinciples as well as self-realisation...overcame it. Gandhi was not a saint, not a caliphate....he was merely human. Hence, its easy to relate to him and his struggles as one can read from his biography.
To a friend...since you set your mind already. Live without regrets. That was one of the mottos i held in life..Once you've made a decision, do not wriggle over it. If you are really convinvced about that decision...take it..move on. Dun let it take up those memory space in your jello-drive. It will slow down and will cause you to crash...sometimes... so..dun cry. You are in control of youself..until its time to let go and share it. So control it now...
We started off with the tragedy of 99'....it shall end off here. Some things are better left buried. There is no need to connect these two situations...the now and the past. As similar as they can be....they are separate. So its time for a new beginning.
To a group of friends. You are very close to me...so far, the closest affiliations amongst many. I made a decision that inevitably caused some of you to take sides due to your stand in the situation. I respect your decisions...you are free to make any stand..i am glad your stand wasn't tainted and biased towards friendship but stood firm to your belief. *smile* But your new friend needs not coals of amber to feed her but water too soothe her and forge her into a beautiful sword. She needs no constant consolations. You have done no justice to your new friend consoling her all the time. I dun tink she nededs it...the more you console her..it seems, the weaker she gets...she is strong enough, that i know...cause as bad as u and i tink i am now, i am still the person you knew back then. I just had to make a difficult stand...and i did...for any clarifications on this matter. Do not assume...come straight to me. I never shyed away from anyblunt straight-to-face talk havnt i?
"If you treat a person as the are, you are weakening him. Treat him as he ought to be...strong, unwavering and he'll become a better person."
My reply,
*I am a friend and you have never lost me...i'll be back once you are ready to accept me just as this..
I hope my mental hiatus can be lifted soon..."u too..."
May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...
Ain was supposed to wrap the key up in a box and tie it up with a ribbon before she passed it to me...but i guess...a foresight or a slip of her mind caused he not to do so. Haiz...as unceremoniously as i got it..i guess, i didnt mind at all...not at all! Cause now....it is mine..MINE!!
Gejah came back from Perak Monday night...she bought me a shoe bag and buah asam...awwwww...i have such a shweeeet little sis. Thank you Aisyah!
I have a fear in me now...no not about that one..."the other one!" Yes...the other one...the fear that creeps in......the memory of 99'. That wasn't a good fear. That fear exposed me to a lot about myself that emerged and i never realised it coming. Weaknesses that i never knew i posess and never felt in my life reared its evil heads then...i lost.. It took me years to be able to piece myself into a person..(not yet..but close).. not like back then. But as all trials...adjustments are needed. I guess...i was overly adjusted to the other side of the spectrum. I was overly detached.. Which once..i thought was ok as i had all other goals in mind as it was working well. But hurt that i caused to others and myself shelled me into a mental hiatus..i had to take a stand. Hopefully this shall be the last time i ever treated someone with detachment.
That was the problem in Gandhi that i forsee in me... Haizu once warned me of my character. That once i get into a focused mindset, i shut out all others including my loved ones from my head. That was good for work but not socially... Gandhi had this weakness. He treated others so well as a Mahatma and as a servant to all mankind but he was tough on his own flesh and blood. His expectations for them caused cracks in the relationship. He set an expectation so high that somehow...as far as i know...2 of his sons somewhat rebelled against him. One incriminated him and publicly went against him in rebellion.
As far as i respect Gandhi for his ability to move masses of people in a direction and a goal as well as his unflinching principles and good character. This was one side of him i will learn from. I used to have high expectations of those close to me..and the expectation can get so high that if he/she did it wrong somehow..i get pissed or irritated. While towards other people who did the same mistakes...i will be so patient and calm. I have not been fair. This day...i apologize to all that was affected by my weakness.
To those that are somewhat disturbed as to why i read Gandhi instead of Muhammad or Summaiyah or Dalai Lama or Jesus... not yet. I dun colour people by race, skin colour, religion or whatever.. I seek to learn good character from all sources. Muhammad is too high for me..not yet. Gandhi is a normal man...who had many tribulations and weaknesses in his life that by sheer unwavering prrinciples as well as self-realisation...overcame it. Gandhi was not a saint, not a caliphate....he was merely human. Hence, its easy to relate to him and his struggles as one can read from his biography.
To a friend...since you set your mind already. Live without regrets. That was one of the mottos i held in life..Once you've made a decision, do not wriggle over it. If you are really convinvced about that decision...take it..move on. Dun let it take up those memory space in your jello-drive. It will slow down and will cause you to crash...sometimes... so..dun cry. You are in control of youself..until its time to let go and share it. So control it now...
We started off with the tragedy of 99'....it shall end off here. Some things are better left buried. There is no need to connect these two situations...the now and the past. As similar as they can be....they are separate. So its time for a new beginning.
To a group of friends. You are very close to me...so far, the closest affiliations amongst many. I made a decision that inevitably caused some of you to take sides due to your stand in the situation. I respect your decisions...you are free to make any stand..i am glad your stand wasn't tainted and biased towards friendship but stood firm to your belief. *smile* But your new friend needs not coals of amber to feed her but water too soothe her and forge her into a beautiful sword. She needs no constant consolations. You have done no justice to your new friend consoling her all the time. I dun tink she nededs it...the more you console her..it seems, the weaker she gets...she is strong enough, that i know...cause as bad as u and i tink i am now, i am still the person you knew back then. I just had to make a difficult stand...and i did...for any clarifications on this matter. Do not assume...come straight to me. I never shyed away from anyblunt straight-to-face talk havnt i?
"If you treat a person as the are, you are weakening him. Treat him as he ought to be...strong, unwavering and he'll become a better person."
My reply,
*I am a friend and you have never lost me...i'll be back once you are ready to accept me just as this..
I hope my mental hiatus can be lifted soon..."u too..."
May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...
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