A bid to keep to my 2010 new year's resolutions...

I cant sleep..maybe cos i slept too much. Those medicines caused me to miss much excitement of Raya by sleeping. But i need to recover..to gain back my health to be able to do what i have to..

I love looking at babies. Looking at them makes me think of how mine would be like. Would they be those well behaved docile kids or those kids who loved to scream at the top of their voices for attention.. Would they be those cute smiley ones or ones who are filled with angst and temper. Whatever it is...all babies are born pure. That's what God said..i just pray that ours will be a physically and mentally complete, healthy, happy and smart person with a potential for great things. Arent we all capable of being one?

I guess, we all could never really, or never really put ourselves in our parents' shoes. I am pretty sure they berangan-ed like us when they we dating or when they just got married. Im sure they had thoughts of what their children would be. Im sure we, at some point in live disappointed them in more ways than we can ever imagine but they still held strong with their faith in us. Such is parental love. All these news of child abuse, rape, torture by flesh-an-blood parent to their children overshadowed the love that most children are showered with. The best way we could repay them is by being thankful and loving them back. And of course..u can be a good parent in return.

I have never been a physically strong person. When i catch a flu, it will always cause mucus to well up my airways and cause difficulty for me to breathe. I dun have strong immunity, i get irritations and fungal infections. All these had been challenging my parents since young yet they never ever saw it as trouble. They always made sure i feel happy and positive. I am thankful.

These are the things in life that are rented to be by Him. Things which he can pull away from me in a stroke of a moment. So while it lasts...treasure every bit of moment with the people you love.

Anyway, these are some Raya photos that me and my loely family took at home before we went out! Its GOLD this season!! Hahaha...i thought i wont have samping this year but when i tried on my ONLY samping, we all thought it matched perfectly like it has always did for the past 3 rayas...Alhamdulillah. I wore my old songkok too...It is about...

"living beneath our means...so that insyaAllah, one day, we can live beyond our means". -vzoj

This one shows our customary salam-salam mintak maap...that we have to do and have been doing since we know how to use memory..it will start from my mom asking forgiveness from my dad and vice versa...then followed by the children (in ranking order but to be decided by my dad on that day..)...and lastly, sibling-to-sibling which is most fun! Hahaha...imagine Gejah asking forgiveness from us...WAHAHAHA *eviiiil laugh!!*....its OK!! Abang forgive you for using my room, using my clothes and shorts..my stuffs..and all..HALALAN TOYYIBAN! But ask!! Always ask for permission...
This is me and my elder sis...people say we look really alike. We dun tink so...but to make sure..i decided to keep a goatie! Hahaha..nolah. I keep a goatie cos i heard its sunnah...ryyyyyytbut yes. People..this is my elder and wacko sis, Ain.
This is Gejah..aka Aisyah..(or is it the other way round??)My younger sis. She's sitting for her O levels pretty soon. Sometimes, we dunno whether she's Indian or Chinese..she dark..yet she's sepet. Which arh??Hahaha...u need to learn to control ur mood swings Aisyah, esp to ur parents. The mark of a great person is self-mastery. Note that..

I hadnt got a chance to formally mintak maaf from the soon to be memberz..She did already, at the bus stop in sembawang while leaving me breathless..(pun fully intended!) Luvs..i apologize if i had done something unintentionally to hurt or cause distress to you. I wish to seek your forgiveness fro the wrongs i did to you if i did not notice it. I apologize if in my pursuit in life, i ever unintentionally made u feel 2nd place. Im sorry if i ever raised my voice unintentially at u when we were joking. Im sorry is i ever ter-malu kan u when we were childishly playing in public. Im sorry that im not so perfect. I apologize for that day too mama(kamie). That i wasnt feeling well when we went out, i felt i slowed you down. But i am NOT sorry to have bumped into you. I am grateful to be able to have someone like you be my partner in life. I am thankful for everything that He has given me..to find love in you, in each other. The paths we have taken, the decisions, the pain and sorrow, the happiness, the upbringing and experiences all lead to this moment that we'd never have thought possible a year ago. Look where we have gone so far. Its' our 16th weeksary today.. and still getting stronger.

EVERYTHING we went through is something that builds itself for today.

Geraldine...Najee..Ida..and Kecik.. was a build up for the present moment. If i had never gone thru that path, Kamie was never possible. (I apologize to these people too cause i've hurt you before or if i've inconvenienced you in life before.) So would be my decisions in studies. If i were to go ahead and take PE at NIE or take the degree in Sports Mgmt thingy with SSC, it will definitely alter the path. At least, i feel honoured that God is the one that cleared my path and paved the way for me...He himself. Im honoured, you should be too. But life is still up to your own hands. You play an active role in deciding the path of your life.

As such..im gonna sleep.

And before i do. Luvs, i dedicate this song to you and im gonna sing this song to you on 050711....remind me pls.

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight (all the time baby)
You're so lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.
With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.
Yes you're lovely, never, ever change
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight. (and all the time..)

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.
Yes you're lovely, never, ever change
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?'
Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight.
Just the way you look tonight.
Darling, Just the way you look tonight.

I had two dreams abt her and her family back to back...and guess what?? The dream is taking a step to reality!! AAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGH!!!!!!! What are dreams anyway???

Well, i spent 3 hours yesterday painting my front gate. I painted it rose pink..like the walls of my home! I tink Fazli will agree with me that pink is a very cosy and homey colour. It creats a warm sense of cosiness and peace. Dun go thinking its the bright hello kitty pink lah!! Its the rose pink..the soothing kind and not the girl-girl kind. Aaaahhhhhhhhi felt so proud of myself. I spend half an hour scrapping off the old paint..and sanding off to make it smooth. Then i cleaned it up and started painting. I tink..all those dust, the smell of the paint and the haze made me have flu!! Darnnn...But den again..i still had energy to go to geylang..AGAIN!!!

My mom ajak me an my sis to geylang for the first time i tink at night. Usually she doesnt bother going at nite but then now that we have Hitam, we're trying lots of new stuffs! Even Raya this year will be the first time with a car. (But last time got van...when my father could bring the company van home. It was hot..no aircon type and we'd perspire like hell at the back! But we could still sleep like logs.) Mentang mentang got car...yesterday we bought carpets!! And me and Ain had to longgok those carpets thru the bazaar!! Ain bought a top..mak bought some table tops and yes..a large, live orchid plant which i later had to longgok also!!! But it was nice..i told her to buy the ones with the flourescent green flowers! Lawa dok...

I met Raiyan..whom i went geylang with most of the time this Ramadhan!! Tak habis habis..met Hakim and his sisters..met Latif who just came back that day from Australia..that was a pleasant surprise! Met Yusoff and ppl whom i knew but i dun really know them that well to tegur.

We left the bazaar at 1230! Gilerrr....i was so sick then, and cold but we had to switch on the aircon to keep the orchid cool!! HAHAHA...mak was so protective of it! Wanted to go Qiam wif Fazli but my flu had the better of me..i felt so sick and heavy man...whihc caused me to shut down today....i slept till 3pm man after sahur!!

Today..i learnt how to make ketupats from my dad!! Nenek doesnt noe how to teach..i tried to decipher it myself but ended up making dumplings instead. Mak's left handed so its hard to learn from her! Nenek said Abah was the expert..so we all went to him. Hahaha..it started out with entanglements and laughs!! He was teaching me and my sis and our cousins after maghrib at neks...YESSAH! Now i can do ketupat bawang. Next time we'll progress to the square ones! Om claimes he can do ketupat durian but Syarah said that he only knows how to eat ketupats!

Me and ain decided to try making super mini ketupats! Lawa!! Syarah wanted it..(as usual!) but we refused to let go!! Cos I wanted to at least have an ornament..my first ever personally handmade mini ketupat...shall give it to mama to keep. Hehee..

I miss that lady..

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

Its exactly 2 months before i fly off to Vietnam insyaAllah for the 13th ASEAN Universities Games. It is to be held in the city of Hanoi. The Asean University Games (AUG) is held every 2 years. It's like the SEA games for university level athletes.

There will be 12 sports competed in this year's AUG, namely, Athletics, Swimming, Football, Table Tennis, Volleyball, Basketball, Badminton, Chess, Karatedo, Pencak Silat, Taekwondo and Tennis.

The participants are from 9 countries (Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, the Phillipines, Indonesia, Brunei). Singapore will be represented by 118 athletes, coaches and staffs.

I would be representing the Singapore Pencak Silat Team in the Artistic solo. I will also be the only one representing us in the Artistic category.. Hahaha.. Darn! But the good thing is i get personalised training. Private tutor lah katakan. 8 pesilats from Singapore will be going..the others are Raiyan(NUS), Lendra(NUS), Yusoff Shah(SMU), Hanim(NUS), Farah(NTU), Ain(SIM) and Syikin(NTU)..did i leave anyone out? Hahaha...they are all fighting in the different categories.

Hahaha...i heard its tough and they are only expecting a gold from Yusoff Shah. He's a seasoned national exponent, so he should lah! For us ikan bilis...jus medals would do! But im still aiming for the gold. InsyaAllah..with commitment to training, He will help us achieve a resolute victory. But i just cant wait to see Vietnam. I love to travel..especially for FREE! Hahaha...

But right now, its just about perfecting myself, my routine and learning all that i can so i can impart what i've learnt to teamNUS Silat. InsyaAllah, i can garner a medal in the IVP next year. After that, i can retire peacefully!! Knowing that there will be a lineage of artistic solo exponents as it is really low in supply in teamNUS. So far only Nura and Diana are the other people who knows.

So for now, persisi training is really challenging my body. Stamina wise, its not tough. But for those who noe me, im not really that flexible!! So it is really forcing me to adopt positions that challenges my physical exertion levels...hahaha...sampai senget2!! But its fun..the coaches are very patient towards me. Maybe because they have no expectations! HAHA!! But im really thankful they are willing to take time off to personally train me. Im also getting to know the national tem players too...they're a fun bunch!

Ok...now i got to go off to NUS. I need to shit too!

Hahaha...its been quite some time since i've updated ey?? That's been a trend.. Been really busy, no internet at home...but dun worry, im still alive though! M really surprised that Najee still reads my blog...Hahaha!! Baaaaik arh Naj!

Well, the past weeks was just tests and project deadlines...Darn. Why am i majoring in Economics aniway?? Kamie, Kecik, Diach, Salmah, Gwen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No...those are not my matair and four concubines but they are my fellow compatriots in arms. The extremely few malay undergrads majoring in Economics. Putting our heads on the chopping boards...placing our bodies in the lines of fire...against the ruthless viet kongs..and the china kuo min tangs.. Ruthless not in the sense that we are tortured physically...but it is more of respect of the dedication they put towards studies. Just studies.... maybe its becuase they worked so hard to get to NUS while we Singaporeans bask in the luxury of academic spoonfeeding. Maybe we are not born with silver spoon inour mouths but we are brought up having spoons in our mouths.

I think i had dedicated a blog just on knowledge and the difference of mindsets people of the past had about knowledge than the people of the now. Knowledge used to be something to kill for...to die for...to travel the world in search for...to share with others for the betterment of societies and mankind... But now, knowledge is 'rampant'..that people take for granted of. Students don't feel like waking up to go to school already, forgetting the fact that the government spends so much on education..and for those in tertiary institutions like me, our parents paid thousands per year just to be able to further our studies, to be able to qualify for a better job, to have a better life.

Maybe, that's the difference....education now mainly serves as a prerequisite to qualify us for jobs that will give us what we want. In the past, education and knowledge was for a purpose of improvement to society. It was with a purpose..a purpose with a meaningful intention. Does 'mass market' education make us more individualistic? This suddenly dawned upon me....

The Malay Muslim community is strong.. they just don't see it yet. Do they know it? With the education we have, the abilities each of us possess...if we all conglomerated, we will not be looked down upon. The world is forgetting Islam's contribution to the societies.....and through bombings, points will not be proven. Why bother bombing people, buildings and trains? Killing people.. Islam is of love and strength. If all of us malay muslims could set aside our individualism and egos, of our desires to be ahead by stepping on other's heads...MasyaAllah, we can be strong. InsyaAllah...

It all starts from within....from one's heart.

Negative thoughts, sarcasms, putting down of others, oppression either mentally or physically....are negative elements that darkens our heart. Sincerity, positivity, kindness, good thoughts, patience, support and encouragement are positive traits that cleanses our souls.

Have you ever had moments when some one tried to do something different and odd, yet he seemed so passionate about it and you called him crazy? Examples are Einstein, Michealangelo, Wright Brothers...these are people you commonly know of that were deemed crazy by the society they lived in.

Give support. Encourage. Guide. With the unique knowledge, skills and capabilities each of us possess...we can be great if we worked together in a composite unit. I'll like for that to happen to the malay-muslim society. InsyaAllah. Let us set aside our negative nature, especially since its Ramadhan..think only good thoughts even though you will seem dumb and naive.

Ok...enough of my sermon for the day.

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

Anyway..have i told you i had a chance to drive this?? Thanks to a good friend of mine who's dad owns it, i managed to get an experience driving it..not just around the carpark but actual driving from place to place cause she doesnt know the directions. Even though it is just the 3-series automatic, it wowed me from the first moment i set foot into the driver's seat. I asked Geraldine, "Girl-girl, where to poke the key?" She laughed!! Hahaha..the key is not the conventional sort of key..it looks like a card and it's situated at the left-hand side of the driver dashboard rather than the conentional right-side. Den i asked, "So i turn like normal??" cos how do you turn a card?? So she explained that for this car, there is a 'START' button..like F1 cars!! Just press lah and the engine will start. WOAH!!! Cool......i never really drove an auto car before except for Ina's mitsubishi lancer but that should provide enough experience. All this moment, Beng and Kenny were at the back, and they sheepishly wore their seatbelts, took a pillow each and were praying! Hahaha...scared to die la!! Hahaha... Anyway, the BMW was wide..spacious..so i had to be cautious. Takot scratch kereta orang sak! BMW...mampos!! But once it got started, everything was great. POWER!! I got to park the car too! I tot once i reached sakura clementi, parking would be easy cause usually its empty BUT...it was FULL!!! So i had to park in between cars...nevermind..it was a breeze, more so especially when its an auto car. Hahaha...but that was the greatest driving experience so far. Most luxurious anyway.

So far, i drove a Proton Wira (Thank you Kcik cos that time i havnt passed yet!!) Honda city, Toyota Vios, Mitsubishi Lancer, a van, a lorry, a BMW...hmmm...have i left out anything?? Nevermind, if i remember i add.

Well...yesterday was our 3rd monthsary..Hahaha...we were supposed to go to the gym but since both of us are totally not prepared for our impending test..we decided to purely study. Hahaha..WE DID!!! BETOLL!!! Hahaha...so we'll postpone our traditional monthsary life-togather-scrapbook making to Sunday when we go out with the Farisuron..(I think must change lah! Since Sufyan no more inside..so become Farison!) Hahaha..planning to go Bugis Banquet to eat our fav sharing foods!! Yummmmy....Yesterday still went great though (as usual!) The two slenger love-dorks went to IMM Banquet Bagus to eat. Pas tu...binge on gummy candies! (Macam maner aku tak naik 5kg!!?)Den solat at Al-mukminin and split ways at the bus stop. Why was it great?? I dunno........together, its always great.

"It always werks and these are things u dun analyse cos u'll go crazy analysing.."

So might as well enjoy it.

I love you...immer...multiplied by infinity.

Hahaa..but i just went through the WORST test in my NUS history!!! MACRO....haiz..i tink i'll only get 20/100 max..and im DEAD serious. Its not about whether i should have faith or not that i will get higher. But its the type of things U NOE..cos these things are for sure.....ur teacher cant mark 1+1=4 as correct right???

i am R-A-J-I-N..............................

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

Dearest Allah..

In this month of ramadhan..can you please send this message to my love through your various sources and reflections of love..that since today shall be our 13th week and tomorrow shall be our 3rd month..which means we have 227weeks as well as 57 months before we both embark to our next phase.. Show her that i love her with all that i've got. Tell her that despite all the moments we share together, i have never taken and with your blessings..NEVER ever take her for granted. This too, for your love and blessings.

I pray to you that our 'honeymoon' never ever end..and that our love only has room to grow stronger and tighter.

I pray to you that someday, all we dreamt of that we want to come true happens. Someday..our dreams will come true.

"When im with you, it feels like heaven."

"how do you know what heaven feels like?"

"Well..if heaven feels like this, its enough." (being together)

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...