A bid to keep to my 2010 new year's resolutions...

Another set back..obstacles and challenges to my morales are coming in hard and fast these times..

Had a talk with Lily (Mercu ctr manager) and Nabil's mom just now after tuition..she intends to withdraw Nabil from tuition cause his results are not improving at school. All three of us realise Nabil's problem and that the fault lies with the family and him and not the centre..Nabil is a very egoistic child, stubborn and and hyperactively-easily distracted. He cannot maintain focus for more than 5mins...so far, he is not the type of person who can do 2 things at a time. The noisy and hyperactive boys in my class can do their revision and yak at the same time...not him. The rest of the class finishes 10 qns in 1hr 30min..(thats slow considering all the distractions!) but he will do only 5max...even the slow boy in my class who doesnt talk much but needs me to explain a lot does more than him..

My personal take...he does not benefit from group tuition. Personally..i see no point in tuition (esp group tuition) for kids below Pri. 6....really! I as a kid...detest tuition and at that young an age..i already realised that studying CAN BE DONE alone, with the family and school is more than enough! U spend nearly 6hours a day at school and spend some more time at tuition?? Thats a waste of time and money i feel...Like Cik Idah always said, what u can do as a parent, do it..its different teaching your own kids compared to others handling it. All these hanyut issues she says its because of bad and unprepared parenting. So to future parents and all...always learn and be prepared to learn. Its never a case of b/w copying of methods...there must always be comparisons made, assessments, implementation and evaluation. (This is like policy formulation and implementation from political science ey?!)

But now...its a point to reflect on how i can improve my tuition service. There is always this problem that thefaster kids will finish the exercises given to them first...much faster than the slower ones. To overload them would really demoralise them...and its not FUN! To give extra exercises for the faster ones will be to demoralise them too...cos they will learn to dp their work slowly. I was hard at thinking jus now during the bus ride to Bkt Batok..i was tinking of experiments and projects (FUN ones..) that they can do which will also spur the slower ones on too...Since most of them were like me when i was young...we all loved to do craftwork and science stuffs...so i am going to research for projects we can do every week. Thats my project!

Well...Then...kcik and the Khalawats picked me up after tuition. Sorry for the apparent moodiness. But i tink i was jus either affected by my blocked nose..or other stuffs. Sorry.

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

Is all that i've done, my characteristic and the way i handle people warrant for me to be labelled a flirt?

I spent the remaining hours of the morning reflecting this..is it that i am blind to see? Or is it ego that vindicates me? Maybe i am not a flirt...or at least..i do not see myself to be one. But then, i thought..it could be my ego blinding me from it all...justifying my acts and making me believe that i'm not, whereas i am.

It is at this time that Andy Lau and Bon Jovi helps..the mood that their melody presents somewhat sets the tone for reflection. The beat and the rythym..the lyrics and the melody..keeps u focused on the agenda of reflection. In reflection..sometimes u go out of point but certain music somehow is able to keep my mind focused on what i seek to reflect upon. And that morning was on whether i am or am not a flirt.

Cik Khidir told me once somewhat last year, that being a guy, to avoid being a cassanova. He says, it brings trouble..and till now, i remember that advice. My nenek had also once, this year, said to me that being friends with girls is alright..but dun play around with their hearts. I still remember that. Advices to me..i hold like gems. Especially so if i believe in them..

So there i was..lying on the foam mattressed bed, with the air-con on..(unusual of me..as i cant take cold) thinking, debating. Well..all i can say that it sucked. When ur all sleepy and tired and u cant sleep because your mind is heavy with thoughts that bother. Firmly, with all of my heart, i believe i am not. Firstly, the difinition presented of a flirt is a guy that constantly checks gals out..and a flirts gets to know gals harbouring ulterior motives.

I check out gals...yes i do..but im not hardcore. I am darn sure anyone..would have walked down a road before and by some hand of Adam Smith (the philospher and economist that introduced the concept of the invisible hand) have had your head mysteriously turned towards someone..someone who had somehow attracted you. Its natural is it not? Instantaneous...spontaneous..not concious.

Well..let me paint another picture. U go to a pub..sit around at the bar with ur eagle-like eyes, trying to spot someone that would be to your 'liking'..or a suitable prey. U see one..u 'check her out'..do a situational analysis..and decide to swoop down. U 'attack' her with your pre-rehearsed or all-natural charm..using these honed skills to go for a kill...win or lose is all up to your tactical and resource employment. NOW..thats a flirt. Concious...tactical...

So with this your honour..i plead the jury to find this young man..Not Guilty.

Do i harbour ulterior motives when i get to know girls? Conciously...i declare NO. I make friends..anyone..anybody who has somewhat similar wavelength as me..and maybe the girls that i know and hang out with..are of somewhat the same characteristic because these are the people who i can click with. Birds of the same feather flock together.

BUT..saying this. I realise that ego protects people, often blinding one. Hence, one cannot realise whether its really himself or ego speaking. Likewise, i, after all these justifications, do not know whether it is me or my little brother speaking. As much as it confuses..it too deludes me from the answer i seek. The stripping off of the ego is what any blessed person first seek to achieve after bullet-proofed faith. How can one strip off ego..something that is a sort of a tuned self-defense mechanism tuned to the subconcious?

Maybe this is one task that i have to prioritise before others. Forget about the acedemics for now.. Gandhi, in a letter from prison..wrote to his eldest son, deprived of much acedemic education...Gandhi said to his son that to study is to gain knowledge and the best of knowledge is of oneself..learning about yourself, learning patience, discipline and other virues that can carry you to survive anywhere in the world and after is the best of knowledge. (Somewhat like that..not exact..my interpretation)

In this...i realise too that conquering on problem will not save me from another. But conquering one may help me overcome the another that follows. This will not be the only dilemma or problem that i will encounter and as much as i prepare myself..problems will be hard at times. But the quality of the coffee can only be realised when u put it in hot water.

Now..like Ruskin and Gandhi..i want to imprison myself so that "..these walls liberate me".

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

And yep...i read on...

Ghandi...before he became the Mahatma, discovered himself to be a very temperamental person. He was very strict especially in the running of his household. He did not adhere to the caste system, expecting his wife to follow likewise and as of every Hindu family back then..the man holds the authority. Gandhi's wife wasn't particularly happy with Gandhi's system, (he enforced that they had to clean their own latrines...but Gandhi's wife could not see why when they had a helper who belongs to the outcast.)

Hence, in the earlier part...before Gandhi realised his hot temper, naturally he was very authoritative towards the wife. But after an incident where he nearly chased his wife out of the house..he realised that this was one part of him he never realised and needed to change. And as for many things in his life..He changed.

After a scintillating 76mins...barca finally scored thru a goal by Eto'o, who was put thru on goal via a Henrik Larsson pass..less than 4mins later..Barca scored another through a substitute Brazilian who had never scored a Barca goal ever..Magnificent match!

For a moment...actually, for more than a moment, i thought Barca would lose out to the single goal by Sol Campbell, right after arsenal went down to 10 men due to a professional foul by Jens Lehman, pulling down Eto'o right outside the edge of the box as he is through on goal. The referree ruled out the following goal by Giuly.

It was difficult, Barca against Arsenal's 10 clean sheets (nearly a thousand minutes of clean-sheet time)..in the Champs League this season, Arsenal had only let in 2 goals and Barca was up against that record. Arsenal held on, locking up their defence with 9 men most of the time, leaving Henry alone upfront. Arsenal were still dangerous on the break with their trademark sharp passing. Ljunberg and Fabregas on occasions, breaking through and of course, Henry with his breathtaking skills, always manage to bring danger to Barca's defence. They were fortunate that Valdes was up to the task, lucky at times. Ljunberg was fouled many a times in a desperate attempt to stop his runs.

On the other end, Ronaldinho was constantly harassed by two or more Arsenal players, fouled and tackled, shackled in fact by so many players that even the 2 time world player of the year couldn't display and execute his usual beautiful skills. Giuly made a lot of runs into defence, let through by Ronaldinho's cutting through passes. Eto'o made runs but was also stopped dead most of the time by Arsenal's defence..possession was held nearly 60-40 by Barca due to the single man advantage but Arsenal still held firm in defence, which is their strength.

I pitied Lehman actually, being sent off at around the 15th min..and also Pires, having to be the scapegoat substitute to allow the reserve keeper to come in. (The reserve keeper was not bad at all..he kept Barca at bay..)

Also for Henry whose capabilities hailed respect from many worldwide. He would have deserved the winner's medal just based on his skills and the way he held up alone upfront for arsenal, being able to threaten the entire defence single-handedly. Hopefully he moves to Barca next year and hopefully Barca does not turn out to become Real Madrid, which is the only other team i support, which disappointed me with their style of management. Real tend to buy out of their problems which can never really solve its problems! Hopefully they wake up..dun disappoint Spanish La Liga daaa...

Well, it was really a magnificent match to watch..well worth the morning up and well worth the rollercoaster ride of a heartbeat. What matters is Barcelona won...the spanish league rules...and soon Singapore will win the World Cup!! Set!!

Congrats to the Barcelona team who really deserves this accolade of being the best club in Europe. Their brand of beautiful football certainly and rightfully rules...Credit to Arsenal too...being one of the only English team that i applaud for their very sharp, quick and beautiful passing play. They certainly don't play like the English do..HAHA..

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

And Lat!!! YESSSSSSAH!!!.....i have a Champs League winner's medal now! Haiz...got to take the first flight back to Singapore now to catch silat training...one competition down...one more to come. IVP winner's medal?? Boleh Lat? Faz? Haha...can lah...its about isolation..and detachment. Forget about the I's and the MY's..

He was not seen to be one who possesses a nature of greatness unlike prophets. (Anyway u cannot put him on the same level as a prophet..) But he is still a man worthy of respect and salute. I never thought that he was assasinated...always thought he died naturally a long time ago till i read a biography of his by Louis Fischer.

As i read, i felt how human he was..as much as i hear about the huge reverence of this man. He stole, like many of us did once in our life, from the table or the place our parents kept their coins. He smoked...like many of us...(but not i said Faizola as he is asthmatic..). He spent money to buy up to date clothes and also kept up to date with fashion to feel as part of the upper class of society. He slacked in school...he wasnt a born academician. He had problems making decisions. He lusted...afterall, he was human.

But like humans too...he learnt. He reflected..and he changed. He kept to promises...3 promises that he held by that was made to his mom, that was...for him not to touch wine, other women and meat. He made that promise to convince her that he should study in Britain.

A quote from a chapter i just completed that attracted me;

"Whose minds is untroubled in sorrow and longeth not for joys, who is free from passion, fear and wrath - he is called the asctetic of secure understanding. The man who sheds all longings and moves on without concern, free from the sense of 'I' and 'My" - he attains peace."

From the chapters that i have concluded..from this biography...i sense that humans..how great we are seem to go through the same weaknesses, same challenges...it may differ to certain extents and differ between environments but the challenges are equally daunting. However, the way we handle..not the problems but more of ourselves in facing the problems...is the differential point in determining our mettle and worth.

May Allah guide us all..bless us with happiness and health n protect us from the dangers of this world, physically or mentally. Help us become successful people in the world and after...

Its the holidays! What have i been doing? Or where have i disappeared to?

Here's the juice..Since its the holidays, i have resorted to taking a break. From what? From the burdens of sins i guess..sins that weigh heavy on my heart. Trying to atone for whatever i have reflected on through my meditation and stint as a vegan. ["I am a vegan??"]

Yes..our dear Mahatma Gandhi advcated to people to refrain from meat as our body is not made out to be a carnivore. He drew a comparison between Man, a herbivore [our closest relative, the monkey] and a carnivore. The basis of comparison were physical in nature such as the way these groups of creatures perspire, digest, the length of the intestines as compared to the body length and the teeth. From this, our dear friend concluded that Man was created closest to the herbivores and thus, going vegetarian is going 'au du naturel'.

What i am going to retort is that, humans unlike carnivores cannot devour meat because our digestive juices are not strong enough right? Which is why we are supposed to cook it..RIGHT? But red meat is not all that good. The prophet said that "if you find yourself to be hot-tempered, reduce the amount of meat in your diet". [Check the viability of the source first..read with discretion]

"So the key point i am driving to here is staying away from extremism. Being passionate is totally separate from extremist. Extremism = stubborn and stupid" Why do i say so? [Cause for one, i am sleepy] Being stubborn, one does not listen to others advice or comments and hence, one remains is his/her state of mind..unmoved. Being stupid, you cannot rationalize and think well. So whatever u believe, without reasoning and rationalizing, you take it for real. Combined, these two forms extremism. Passion, however is supported by a load of believe.

Well, but for now, im just hanging loose and enjoying whatever time i have in this holidays! After all the studying and nights at school, preparing for early morning papers. Sleeping on benches and watching champions league soccer on laptop. Eating sweets to keep me busy and green tea to make me believe that i am awake. [But it turned out that i made myself believe i was a samurai instead!]

As on the pic on the left, while kecik was hard at revising, i was taking photos, running here and there, taking short seconds of naps...and eventually munching famous amoses..and yes...battling mozzies and lighting up mosquito coils. There was champions league matches too..arsenal and villareal and barca and milan...

So now, i am jus meditating away in my private getaway resort of kampong west coast. With my trusty nenek.. we do gardening, wash clothes, cook....n of course, TV!

Dia is gonna end!!! At last...i always retort to my nenek that if i was Ivan, the show would end at the first few episodes!! So no show...everyone is so weak in that show except the villians..[who are the more prettier ones too and more cleverer people..what is the world turning to?!]

On the right is my nenek, she clears the leaves, i chop the tree...this picture, we were chopping down a part of the guava tree that was intruding onto the roof area. The leaves would fall onto the gutter, choking it and my father will have to clear it..so best..CHOP CHOP CHOP! The tree bears fruits only like once or twice a year so no point. That day too...i discovered the yellow-vented bulbul chick who nested in the garden had passed away. The stench was overwhelming. There were huge maggots on it already and i buried it in the garden. The poor chick must have died in the heavy torrential downpour..bad time to have chicks la..


Occasionally Alfian pops by..that boy is growing fast. Now can talk abit...Aaaaabit only la..still calls me bhaiyya though. He can dance and understand people.

Sometimes, he talks to us..talking as though we understand him. We bedek bedek try to la! Hope he can come more often. I have this feeling he might be a bit distanced from the rest of us cos he is seldom here. I dun understand why he cant be brought over to my nek's place when at home..its just him n his mom?! Bring him over la...leh main main...can play play...

Anyway...have to go visit soon...Kamie going Germany. 3 postcards...1 each week...as PROMISED!


So now...here's a clip of Alfian's dancing and craziness.....njoy..

Soory...the blog post abit boring. Just to satisfy those who requested for an update!






ADIOS!!